Friday, May 24, 2013

Hypocrisy In the BDSM Community

I just finished reading through a discussion on Fetlife about Financial Domination and I just have to comment about the hypocrisy I see when I look at the larger BDSM community and its reaction to Financial Domination.

I started my journey in kink on the right side of the slash. I have been involved in several long-term service relationships in the decade I have been in the real time community. In those relationships, I picked up the tab for everything from meals to laptops; from speeding tickets to home improvements. I can't tell you the number of times I pulled out my debit card and paid the bill for everything in the relationship. And what did I get in return for those times when I paid? In hindsight--very little.

Now, I will accept responsibility for making poor choices and while I might wish to have the thousands of dollars I spent back from the men who broke my heart and used my service to benefit no one but themselves, I will still call bullshit on the statements that in "real BDSM relationships" the submissive doesn't give the dominant money for nothing.

How many slaves or submissives pay all the household bills while the dominant is out of work (often for an extended amount of time). How many slaves or submissives pick up the bills when they go to munches or host events in their homes?

I won't say that there are not dominants who contribute, I am sure there are. Unfortunately for me, my poor choices have shown me far more dominants who take without giving even contact and connection in return for everything the submissive does for them.

In contrast, the financial dommes I know and admire--and I--build relationships with those who give to us their tribute. We spend time talking with them and getting to know them. Many of us spend a lot of time helping these submissive men with their fantasies and real-life goals.

Sure, there are always users in every sector of society, but let's be honest here. The women and men who enjoy financial domination as a fetish are honest with one another about what they like and what they want. Can you say the same about the dominant who seeks out and takes a slave so he or she doesn't have to find a job and can live in someone else's house for free?

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