Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Why I Share my Protocols and Expectations

I've been involved in the real-time BDSM and Leather communities for more than a decade. In that time I have been involved in three long-term power exchange relationships and a couple not-so-long-term power exchange relationships. I discovered that I operate much more effectively and comfortably within a power exchange relationship with clear boundaries and expectations.

When I made the decision to stop fighting my dominance and step away from the service roles in the community, I did so very consciously and after a great deal of thought. One of the thoughts I had was that if I were going to own property, I was going to be the kind of owner I would have wanted to serve.

That meant preparing the Protocols and Expectations document so that any prospective servants would know exactly where my boundaries and expectations began. This document is not set in stone. It is, instead, a living document that can and will be changed for any individual who serves me. But those changes will not come until after the servant takes the time to read it and to prepare a negotiation document for me.

I believe that important as it is for a servant to know where I stand, it is just as important for me to understand what a servant needs and expects from our relationship. Finding out what both Owner and owned want at the onset of the negotiation can save a good bit of heart-ache down the road and stop either of us from settling for something on the hope that the other person's expectations will change to match ours.

If anyone is interested in reading my Protocols and Expectations, it's available on Smashwords (so any kind of ereader is covered) for free.  You can get it here:

I hope you enjoy it and I hope you'll feel free to comment, use, or otherwise include what you like about the ideas into your own negotiations.

For those who might like to some help in developing a protocol for your own relationships, I created this workbook several years ago. Creating a Personal Protocol will take you step-by-step through the process of developing a useable protocol for your own relationships. Shannon Reilly is my pen name within the BDSM and Leather communities.

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