Wednesday, April 10, 2013

What kind of Domme are you?

I find myself considering this question often as I look at the crops of young, brash financial dominants who seem to permeate the websites and twitter feeds. I know that many who seek out financial domination must enjoy that style of domination as these dominants appear to be very successful. However, I am not that kind of dominant.

I request. I do not demand. I converse. I do not verbally abuse. I treat you as an equal. I do not assume your submission.

There are several things I really want in a financial servant that have nothing to do with finances. The first is intelligence. I want to be able to talk to my servants. I want to look forward to conversing with them on a wide variety of subjects.

Next, I look for a sense of humor. I adore men and women who can make me laugh. None of what we do has to be so deadly serious that we cannot laugh at ourselves and enjoy humor together.

In addition to intelligence and humor, I seek servants who are honorable and dependable. Whether it is messaging when they say they will or remembering that I'm allergic to kiwi, I want to know that when I share expectations with a servant, they will do their best to meet my expectations.

Finally, I want a servant to have a desire to serve or tribute. I don't want to ask for tributes or gifts, I want to find a servant who truly takes pleasure in offering tribute or finding ways to offer service they know will bring me pleasure, not because doing so will get them something, but because the act itself is pleasurable for them.

And this is where I know the opportunity to take advantage of me comes about. In order to find this type of servant, I must be (and I truly am) willing to invest a significant amount if time and effort in getting to know the person before I can expect service from them. It means trusting both my own judgement and the desire of a prospective servant to value our interaction appropriately. And it means I must be as willing to walk away from an unsuitable servant as I am to seek out a suitable one.

And I need to be clear with a servant what I offer in return for their service. I offer structure, standards, accountability and care. I approach all types of domination with real-world standards in mind. I will not allow a servant to tribute above their means, nor expect them to serve in a way that would permanently harm their body, mind, or soul. I will given them the opportunity to learn and encourage them to become more than they are when we meet. In short, I will create opportunities for them to serve so they may have their desires and fantasies fulfilled.

Having lived in a collar, I understand better than many how difficult it can be to serve. I believe it is the time I spent in a collar which has molded me into the dominant I am. I have invested the time and energy into creating my protocols and expectations because when I made the decision to seek out servants, I realized that unless I were the kind of owner I once wished to serve, I was a hypocrite.

I know this will take time. Finding the right servant is a complicated process which will be better for the time I spend in the search and interview stages. I only hope that there is the right servant (or servants) out there and that we find one another at the right times of our lives.

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