I've been attending the MsC since 2007 (with one year exception in there...I didn't go in 2008). Each year that I've gone, I've learned. Sometimes I learned things about myself. Sometimes I learned things about the community. Sometimes I learned things I've carried with me as part and parcel of who I am. Sometimes I learned things I wish I had never known.
Now it's time for me to decide if I want to go this year. I started thinking two years ago that I wanted to stop going. The politics and mutual masturbation society atmosphere just got on my nerves. I got tired of hearing the same people say the same things year after year.
But it's different this year. This year I have to consider my boy and what he might be able to get from going there. Is it fair of me to deny him the opportunity to go, to meet my extended family, to hear some of the most seasoned voices in the community speak on the type of relationship we have and are developing? Is it fair for me to let my past color his future and limit his opportunities? No, it isn't, and no matter what else I might be thinking, it IS my responsibility to see that he has every opportunity available for growth and development in his life.
And so as much as I might want to say, "No, we aren't going," it is beginning to look more and more like I am going to have to put aside my own apprehension and aggravation and go to the event. I know that will make my Leather Family happy and if nothing else, the weekend will be an exercise in self-control for me.