Sunday, April 28, 2013

Snark Becomes Theory

In a decidedly snarky moment yesterday, I wrote something that has now been rumbling through my brain and needs to be shared.

Being a dominant is very much like being a special needs educator. I'm not saying that we are similar because of the mental state of those we are teaching, but because like a special needs classroom, every individual servant must have his or her own structure, boundaries, and learning plan. There is no "common curriculum" used by dominants around the world and which can be changed slightly to fit every servant. Instead we dominants are faced with a blank slate and the need for an individual education plan for any servant who comes to petition us.

I have my starting point--my protocols and expectations--but even those must be tailored to fit the circumstances of the servant. A distance servant will have different expectations from me than a personal servant. A servant for whom English is not their primary language will have different communication expectations than one who is a native-born English speaker. I still must invest a significant amount of time and effort into each applicant before they are even in my service in order to determine if we are compatible. I must consider their needs and expectations and match them to my own. I must decide if the service they provide is worth the further investment managing them will require. In short, I must prepare a structure just to find out if it is feasible before even instituting it.

I believe that my experience as a teacher has both made me a better dominant and reduced my patience for those servants who believe they are serving if they demand to be "forced" to do things. If you come to me and ask to serve, you will not hear an immediate demand for tribute or even complex service. Do not take this as a sign that you will walk over me, get your wank material and move on. Instead, accept my small, simple service request for exactly what it is...a test...and do not bother to complete that task if you intend to attempt to jerk me around.

If you complete my application and place an amount on it for initial tribute, ask me how to make that tribute before expecting anything more than cursory communication from me. Understand that by offering a tribute on the application, you have submitted yourself for a second test. The first was the simple service of filling out the application. The second, a test of your own making, is a demonstration of your honor and commitment. Offering tribute but failing to follow through is tantamount to lying to my face and shows a severe lack of honor and integrity.

What you do not see while you are deciding whether or not to complete my task request or while you are dithering about paying the tribute you freely offered, is that I have already begun the work of getting to know you and preparing a structure that will work for you and your interactions with me. I have already but time and effort into you when I reply to your first message or petition. I ask only that you recognize this effort and do not allow it to go to waste.

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