Saturday, April 20, 2013

Emotional Transparency

I have always had trouble both hiding what I'm feeling and sharing those feelings with others. I think some of my reticence to share comes from an old thought that my feelings and emotions are not "enough" to share. Not good enough. Not valid enough. Not important enough. And then there is the fear that has held my tongue. What if what I feel isn't reciprocated? What if what I feel makes the other person angry or hurts them or makes them laugh?

Neither the "enough" issues nor the fears are a good enough reason to keep my feelings from the servant who has come into my life so quickly and seamlessly. How can I demand emotional transparency from him if I am not willing to be as transparent? Simply put, I cannot.

And so I find myself with the need to sit down and write about what is in my heart and head as I think of him and what his service brings to my life. To be frank, that though scares the bejesus out of me. But I will do it not only because I should, but because he deserves the same level if dedication to our power exchange as I have demanded of him. If I am worthy of his service, he is worthy of my matter how much it frightens me.

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