Thursday, March 21, 2013

It doesn't have to be about humiliation...

I have a different style of domination. I know that. I also know that my style won't work for everyone. What I do know is that for those whom it does work, my style can mean the difference between living a lifestyle they love and leaving one that doesn't fulfill them.

I am not big into humiliation, though it can be a useful tool when used sparingly. Because I prefer thoughtful, intelligent boys in my service, I find that many respond better to courtesy and even kindness than to insults and abuse.

Being courteous or kind does not make me weak. It means I recognize the humanity of those who serve me and allows me to show that I value excellent service. It is only when one who serves me proves that he cannot respond favorably to kindness that I change how I handle him.

Honestly, however, if a servant cannot respond to my more measured, humanity-focused style of dominance, we likely aren't a good fit. I know that I do not want a power struggle with those who serve me, nor do I want them to feel as though what they offer to me in service has no value. That simply isn't the case. As they are fulfilled through service, so too am I fulfilled in accepting their service. It is called power EXCHANGE for a reason.

I know these ideas are contrary to so many in the findom community, but I do not believe that courtesy and dominance are mutually exclusive.

1 comment:

  1. I struggled with the idea of humiliation for a while, because I feel exactly the same as you feel about it. However i've come to realize that a lot of my subs find humiliation to be erotic. So for Me, humiliation has become a reward for those of my subs who I know are sexually aroused by it and have earned it, rather than a blanket mode for treating all subs. It's simply a fetish just like a foot fetish, giantess fetish, or any other fetish. Just as courtesy and dominance are not mutually exclusive, humiliation and recognizing the humanity in your submissives are not mutually exclusive either.

    It took me a while to accept that there are some intelligent, well-rounded, thoughtful men out there who like to be called all types of "bitches" "cunts" and even "faggots" whenever they get the chance. Are all submissives like that? No. Are the submissives who do enjoy humiliation less capable of devoted service than the ones that do not? Not necessarily.

    It's cool that humiliation is not your thing, because every Domme is entitled to define her style of dominance. I think its important to note, however, that humiliation does not automatically equal abuse. It can be a tool for training, connecting with, and rewarding some subs who genuinely enjoy it.